apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
