I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize