you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
