it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
