Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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