WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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