i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
