You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
