your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
