Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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