Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
