There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
