you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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