Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
