woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
