Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
