No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
