Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I smell like Dick and happiness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
