his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
