she looked like the before picture.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
