I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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