Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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