He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
