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I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
