Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
