i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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