garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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