you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
