we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
