I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's never too late to be topless.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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