maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize