Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
