chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
