I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
