Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
