My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
