just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
