i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
