Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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