She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
