don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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