Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
