i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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