yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
