I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
