I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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