im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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