How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
