If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize