is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize