i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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