Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
