Barsexuality is the new black.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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