Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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