Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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