I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
