I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
