ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
