i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's always time for handjobs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
