dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
