I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
