Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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