Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
