I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
