I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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