the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
