I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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