PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
