I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
