I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
