I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
