Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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