I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sex in a hospital.. check
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
