I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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